Who Do You Think You Are?
Redefining Your Identity for a Healthier, More Authentic Life
For many of us, it's easy to lose sight of who we are beneath the roles we play. Whether it’s your job, family responsibilities, or social expectations, the lines between what you do and who you are can blur. Eventually, you might start to believe that your role defines your identity.
But here’s the truth: what you do is not the same as who you are.
This is a critical distinction—because if your entire identity is wrapped up in a role, you’ll miss the deeper, fuller story of who you’re truly meant to be. And worse yet, if you fail at something in that role, it can feel like you, as a person, have failed—not just a task or responsibility. So today, I want to help you step back and ask yourself a question that’s both simple and profound: Who do you think you are?
The Story You Tell Yourself
Let’s start with the story you’re telling yourself. We all have one—a narrative that plays in the background of our lives and shapes the decisions we make and the path we follow.
For many of us, that story might sound like: I need to keep it all together. I need to be strong for my family or team. I need to always have the right answer.
But here’s the reality: that story is incomplete. It’s like reading the same chapter of a book over and over again without ever flipping the page. There’s so much more to your story if you’re willing to turn the page.
The problem is that when you let your role define you—you limit your potential and your growth. You end up trying to live up to an impossible standard and you miss out on the opportunity to become who you’re truly meant to be.
A Better Story with a Better Ending
What if you could tell yourself a different story? One where you’re not limited by the role you play but are empowered by the person you are becoming?
The more we focus on who we want to become, the better we are at planning our lives around that vision. The story you tell yourself about who you are—and who you’re becoming—directly shapes the life you’re building.
But here's the catch: if you don’t consciously choose the story, it will be chosen for you. So how do you start telling yourself a different story with a better ending?
Here are some practical steps to get you started:
1. Identify Who You Want to Become
The first step is to get clear on the person you want to become. Think beyond the roles you play. Ask yourself:
What kind of person do I want to be in 5, 10, or 20 years?
What character traits do I want to develop?
What are my core values outside of work or social expectations?
Who do I want to be in my relationships with my family, friends, and even myself?
Take a few minutes to journal these thoughts. Don’t overthink it. Just let your mind explore the possibilities of who you could become.
2. Recognize Who You Don’t Want to Be Anymore
Equally important is identifying the parts of yourself that you’re ready to let go of. This could be unhealthy habits, limiting beliefs, or even aspects of your identity that no longer serve you. Here’s where to start:
What habits or behaviors are keeping me stuck?
What fears are holding me back from becoming the person I want to be?
Where have I let my role define me too much?
This process is uncomfortable because it forces you to confront your weaknesses. But it’s the first step in replacing unhealthy patterns with healthier ones.
3. Set Clear, Actionable Goals
Now that you’ve identified who you want to become—and who you no longer want to be—it’s time to set goals to bridge the gap. Your goals should be realistic and actionable. Here are some examples:
Physical Health: Set a goal to take care of your body. This could be committing to a weekly exercise routine or healthier eating habits.
Emotional Health: Prioritize mental wellness. This could mean setting boundaries to protect your time, finding a therapist or mentor, or even starting a daily mindfulness practice.
Personal Growth: Explore hobbies, passions, or skills you’ve neglected. Set a goal to dedicate time to something just for you, not tied to any role you play.
4. Take Inventory of Your Relationships
Your identity is not just about who you are when you’re alone, but also how you show up in your relationships. Ask yourself:
Am I investing in the relationships that matter most—my family, my close friends?
Have I been relying too much on work or social relationships for validation and support while neglecting personal friendships?
Who in my life do I feel safe being vulnerable with?
Make a conscious effort to build and invest in relationships where you can be your authentic self.
5. Find Someone You Can Be Completely Vulnerable With
Let’s be real: we often fight our internal battles alone. But you can’t win those battles on your own. You need someone—a friend, mentor, or coach—who can listen to the real you, without judgment. Someone who can hear your doubts, fears, and struggles and walk with you through them.
This is critical because vulnerability is where growth begins. When you keep everything bottled up, it festers. When you let it out, you create space for healing and growth.
Take action today: find someone you trust and start a conversation. If you don’t have anyone in your immediate circle, seek out a mentor, coach, or counselor who understands what you’re going through.
6. Create Boundaries to Protect Your Identity
One of the biggest challenges many of us face is the lack of boundaries between our roles and our personal identity. The work never ends, the responsibilities never stop, and the pressure to always be "on" can be overwhelming.
But to preserve your identity, you need to create clear boundaries between your work and your personal life. This might look like:
Setting specific work hours and sticking to them.
Scheduling regular time off—both weekly breaks and longer vacations—to recharge.
Saying “no” to tasks or requests that don’t align with your goals or values.
Boundaries aren’t about being selfish—they’re about preserving your well-being so you can show up as your best self.
7. Embrace the Process of Becoming
Finally, remember that becoming the person you want to be is a process. It won’t happen overnight, and it’s not about perfection. It’s about progress.
Every small step you take—whether it’s setting boundaries, being vulnerable with someone, or letting go of an unhealthy habit—is a step toward becoming the person you’re meant to be. Celebrate the small victories along the way and give yourself grace when things don’t go perfectly.
Conclusion
So who do you think you are? And more importantly, who do you want to become?
The answer to those questions will shape your life more than any role, title, or responsibility ever will. You are more than just what you do. You are a person with a unique story, a purpose, and a future that’s still unfolding.
But it’s up to you to write that story. You can keep living in the version that says you have to do it all, be it all, and hold it all together. Or you can choose to tell yourself a different story with a better ending. One where you’re not just surviving—but thriving.
Take the first step today. Define who you want to become. Let go of who you no longer want to be. And above all, remember—you’re not alone!
—T.
